Apparently you make a good broom.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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