You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
