Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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