i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
