So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
