I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
