Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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