Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
