just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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