i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
