So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Randomize
