She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
