dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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