Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
