So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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