My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Your dad touched me again.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
