I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Randomize
