and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
