He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
