I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
