just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
There's even glitter on my cock...
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