i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
