she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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