theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
