I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize