I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
