omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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