so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
