Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
