you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
