...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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