You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
