I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
