my vag is so smooth its legendary
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
