you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize