They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
