Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
