can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
