I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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