grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
