thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
