Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
