a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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