Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
