i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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