I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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