obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
