I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
