he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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