Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
