so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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