i jhust puked up my retainher.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
