perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
