I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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