I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
