How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize