I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
nutella sex= disaster
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
