kristin has been a bad kristin
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
