1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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