now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize