I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
