I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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