Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
