I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
