I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize