Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
