I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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