we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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