Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
