Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
