I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
