I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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