Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
