I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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