You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
