So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
