I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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