saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you win again, gameday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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