Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
