Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
zippers are such a cool invention
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
