I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
