it was like eating out sand paper
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
