Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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