At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
